Family Guide
Understanding Your Daughter’s Transition
to College
Pride In Her Accomplishments
As parents or members of the extended family you can be
proud of your daughter’s accomplishments. All of the
young women accepted to Spelman are exceptional. The sacrifices
you have made and the attention you have given to the task
of parenting has brought you to this moment. Let your daughter
know that you will continue to encourage her growth and development.
Doubts About Helping
Along with your feelings of pride, you may have some feelings
of anxiety, anticipation and hope. After you have seen your
daughter begin her first year at Spelman and return home,
it is often difficult to know when you should become more
involved. When should you let her handle matters on her own?
When should you really be worried? Your daughter may change
rapidly. She might seem quite dependent at times and very
independent at others. She may seek your advice and guidance
or not ask you to participate in making key decisions. When
you witness this behavior remember that it is part of becoming
an adult. Your family has entered the stage of development
called “launching”. Launching involves
providing a steady, supportive home base to which your daughter
can return, while letting her attempt and find independence.
Expect that there may be many fluctuations in your daughter’s
mood, expectations and needs.
Choices
It is essential that you allow your daughter to accept
responsibility
for her college career. It is important that she demonstrate
a commitment to her work that reflects her values,
dreams
and abilities. Those qualities may vary from what you may
think is the best career for her. It is difficult to step
back and allow her to struggle with discovering her path.
Often, when parents expect a student to be responsible, she
will rise to the challenge. If you shield her from responsibility,
it
will take her longer to learn. She may take a different path
or discover a different method for handling her responsibilities
than
you would have suggested, but, then again, she might even
surprise you by using you as a model for solving her problems.
It is important that you remain an interested observer. Provide
reassurance in her decision-making abilities. You may feel
some anxiety and find yourself worrying. Being an active
listener is helpful to your daughter in thinking through
the various decisions she will make. Try to resist making
her
decisions for her. Guide from home with empathy and consistent
support.
Competition
Your daughter may have very specific academic goals and
career plans. She may find that the process of becoming a
doctor, engineer, lawyer, sociologist, educator, or other
professional is very different from what she imagined.
She will face new and exciting challenges in college. She
will discover that even though she has a history of receiving
excellent grades in high school, top grades are more difficult
to earn in college. This may be an aspect of college life
that can affect her confidence in her abilities at first.
Encourage your daughter to use the resources that are available
to her on campus. Have other family members call and have
discussions with her about their strategies for handling
challenges. There may be something that they have experienced
that they can share with her. Reinforce to her that there
is no shame in asking for help. Some of our students have
never had to seek help before and are chagrined to find out
that they must, if they are to succeed. Educate yourself
to the resources available to her and suggest that she try
to access them.
Learning
Resources
Learning
to
Care
for
Herself
Self-Discipline
and
Character
